You want a collaborative divorce rather than a traditional one – or want to at least give it a try. However, your spouse doesn’t see the point.
Is there a way to get a reluctant spouse on board and have them come to the table with an open mind? There may be, but it often requires a delicate approach. Here are some things you can try.
Approach your spouse with empathy
Your spouse may be struggling with anger, fear and resentment that makes them question the value of collaboration. Try acknowledging their feelings and recognizing that the end of the marriage is difficult on them. When you bring up the idea of a collaborative divorce, focus on the fact that it can make the process easier and allow you both to move forward in a less painful way.
Present the benefits of collaboration
Go into the conversation ready to explain the benefits of collaborative divorce, which include the following:
- Fewer conflicts: Because collaboration emphasizes peaceful negotiations, it can reduce the emotional toll on both parties. If you have minor children, it can also help preserve a more stable environment for them, as well.
- Faster resolutions: The involvement of other professionals in the process can help the divorce proceed more rapidly than a traditional divorce, which allows both parties to begin to heal sooner.
- Lower costs: Lengthy court battles and litigation cost money, and the financial burden can be extreme. Collaboration can leave much more in the marital pot to be divided.
- Greater control: Divorce makes everybody involved feel uncertain about the future, but collaboration helps restore a sense of control.
You can stress the fact that collaboration will allow you and your spouse to craft an agreement that is tailored to your needs – and that’s not something you’ll get in a courtroom with a judge in charge.
Address their fears directly
Your spouse may be worried the process won’t be fair, so reassure them that the process is voluntary, that they will still have their own individual legal guidance and that full financial disclosures are still required.
Finally, give your spouse a little space to consider this option. Keep the lines of communication open and try not to press – since that may be viewed with suspicion.