A child’s graduation from high school can inspire mixed emotions for parents. It’s an important milestone. It’s also typically the beginning of that child’s independence — whether they’re going away to college or staying closer to home and getting a job
For divorced parents, high school graduation often marks the end of child custody and support orders and the beginning of their young adult deciding for themselves where and with whom they want to spend their time.
Before all that, however, there’s graduation. For many divorced parents, that can be tricky if there’s residual animosity. It means being in the same place as a co-parent and likely some of their relatives or their new significant other or spouse.
If you have a graduation coming up, regardless of what educational level your child has reached, you may be worrying about how it will play out – especially if it’s your first as a separated or divorced parent.
Be prepared
Don’t go alone if you’re concerned about being triggered by your ex. Bring a friend or relative who can distract you or gently lead you away if necessary. Just don’t bring someone who despises your ex and could make things worse. Do some role playing with your therapist or a friend to help prepare for the worst case scenarios of what your ex could say or do. It likely won’t be that bad, but you’ll feel more confident.
Help prevent a scene
Even if you’re committed to not causing a scene, you can’t control what anyone else does. If your ex or someone with them seems intent on starting something, don’t give in. Again, just move away from them if you can. You don’t want your child to look back on their big day with embarrassment about how their parents behaved.
Focus on your child
This day isn’t about you or your co-parent. Help make the day special for your child – even if it means doing things you’re not comfortable with like sitting next to your ex or taking a family picture.
This is likely the first of many events you and your co-parent will attend throughout your child’s adult life. A sure-fire way not to be included in them is to make things unpleasant for your child. If there are unresolved legal or financial issues (like whether you’re both helping them with their graduate education, first home or first grandchild), resolve those so you can better enjoy these and other milestones.